Nicole Coocen | Create Your Badge

So it's been the holidays and I admit to eating things I shouldn't be. However I have been doing it in moderation. The sweets are too much for me now. I can't handle anything that's too sweet. That's a bonus for me because I was such a sugar addict before. My carb levels are bothering me though. I never realized how many carbs were in everything! Holy crap. Just a single piece of bread is outrageous. Milk is even worse! 13 grams of carbs in SKIM MILK??? Seriously? YIKES!

I am doing my best to track what I eat but I have been very lax in the last few days. I have also been lax in getting in my water. Time to get back into the routine.

I don't know what I'm going to do about my doctor. She is leaving the practice she is at and moving to an office over the state line. My insurance doesn't support me going over the state line to see a doctor. So I'm going to have to find a new doctor AGAIN. I have only been going to this one for about a year and a half. :(

It's been a very long and tedious day but I ended it with a salad with chicken instead of giving in to temptation and eating pizza with the hubs. I'm going to bed now.

I haven't posted much about how things were going and what was happening with all my preparations for my Lapband surgery. The technical issues were boring and so were all the damned tests and hoops I had to jump through. If someone is interested in all of that I'll be happy to share though.

So here I am, it's the 12th of December and I had my surgery 4 days ago. The first two days were wretched. I was in so much pain and I couldn't feel anything. Couldn't tell if I was hungry or full or anything. The crystal light, tea and broth they were feeding me at the hospital seemed to slip right through the band and it seemed like it wasn't doing anything. So I thought I might have been one of those people that barely feels it and could eat almost anything.

Unfortunately last night I found out that was NOT the case. I had picked my youngest up from my MIL's where he spends the weekend and he was hungry. We hadn't made anything for dinner because I can't eat and hubby wasn't hungry yet. So I took the youngest to McDonalds and bought him a double cheeseburger and dollar fries. I hadn't had junk food in weeks. So I thought a small tiny bite of his cheeseburger wouldn't kill me. I just bit the meat and not the bread. Unfortunately that was NOT a good idea. I immediately could tell it was stuck and my body started trying to get it out. It was NOT a pleasant experience.

So back to "liquids" and pureed food it is. No more stupidity. I had some oatmeal for breakfast this morning and some butternut squash soup for dinner. I need to get a protein shake or two in and my liquids. I'm having a hard time with my liquids because I am naturally a gulper or chugger. I could down and entire 17 ounce bottle of water in one long chug. So I naturally take an entire mouthful of water and swallow it at once. Doing this gets the water stuck believe it or not. So I have to try to swallow a little bit at a time.

The whole thing is a learning experience. It's like learning how to eat all over again. Las Vegas should be interesting this year. Most of the time I eat at Buffets out there. With the small amount I'll be able to eat buffets won't be worth my time or money, especially at $15 or more a pop!

I couldn't get any walking time in today. It's been pouring all day and it's just not happening. I need to find something else to do when I can't go out as it will be getting colder and colder soon.

I was down 32 pounds total before I had my surgery. I am sure I gained a few pounds after all the fluids they pumped into me at the hospital plus all the swelling. We'll see how many I go down by my next appointment on the 20th.

I haven't been this low since after I had my youngest. I think I was about this low when I got pregnant with him. Then after I had him my thyroid shot up really high and I lost about 40 pounds but then it shot back down again and I gained it all back plus some. So it's been about 5 years since I've been this low.

I scored the other day while going through the attic and found some of the clothes that I had bought back when I was that small. So I have something to wear when I get down that low again.

OMG! It's been over a year since I updated. Holy crap! Didn't realize it had been this long.

My "battle" that I started has turned onto a new path. I am currently in the process of jumping through all the hoops for Weight Loss Surgery. Lap Band to be exact. I have already jumped through most of the hoops and only need to finish 3 appointments with my nutritionist, 2 Weight Loss Surgery Support Group meetings and 1 appointment with a cardiologist. The approximate time for my surgery is September.

I resisted this idea for quite some time. In fact, my new doctor first referred me for surgery in October of last year. I didn't do anything to try to get into any appointments until December of last year. Then waited until March of this year to REALLY complain to my dr. At that time, I was practically whisked away by the process. In 2 months time I have completed 85% of the things my insurance requires in order to get approval. I will be done jumping through my hoops by the first week in August.

Since changing doctors last June or July my thyroid has been leveled out somewhat and I have lost 20 pounds on my own because of that. Well, ok, it was actually 25 but my thyroid levels went too low(lowest is .4 mine were .1!). SO when they lowered my thyroid meds, I gained 5 pounds back.

My husband decided to upgrade our gym membership to a "family" membership. So he has been dragging me to the gym at least 3 times a week. I was diagnosed with Mild Obstructive Sleep Apnea and prescribed a CPAP machine that I now sleep with. Interesting how changing from a dr who refused to do anything for me until I lost weight to a new dr validates the fact that the last doctor was an asshole. I have been diagnosed with multiple "morbidities" relating to my weight and have FINALLY been given some pain relief so that I CAN workout instead of dealing with pain EVERY DAY. I have seriously considered suing him and don't know why I haven't but I'm just not in the mood to deal with that at this juncture with everything else going on. Plus my husband and MIL love him and still go to him and I don't want that to become and issue for them. He treats THEM fine. He just does or did not like ME for some reason.

So the continuation of this journey will now be for my Lap Band journey. If you are uncomfortable with this, please feel free to unfriend me. I will understand. We all have our own paths to go on. Otherwise, I would love any support and friendship you are willing to offer.

Tags: lap band, new journey, weight loss surgery

OK. So it's been a long time since I've used this journal. A very long time.

I started back up today. I joined the 50 Million Pound Challenge and I went back to the gym. I'm not in as bad shape as when I started originally. I started out at 25 minutes on the eliptical/cross trainer 45 minutes of weight training and capped it off with 10 minutes on the bike while lifting 5 pound weights.

For breakfast I had Special K Red Berries cereal with 1/2 cup of low fat milk.

For lunch after the gym I had a Lean Cuisine Panini - Southwest Chicken, Broccoli with some blue cheese dressing(my splurge) and a Clementine.

For a snack I had a Fiber Bar(generic Fiber One bar)

For dinner we're having whole wheat pasta with broccoli and garlic. I just need to think of a protien to go with it.

Tags: food, work out

These are Jillian Michael's exercise DVDs. I bought them on Amazon.com because I had my gift cert. from my dad from christmas. I bought these and the Biggest Loser Cardio and other video.

I haven't even touched them and I've had them about 2 weeks. Alex has been giving me a hard time about going to the gym because I put him in "day care" for about an hour and a half and he can't leave and come find me. So it makes him pissy.

So I figured I'd try one of these out today because, well, first off I spent the money and second, at least I can workout and Alex can see me. So he knows it's important to work out.

I have 4 words for you.

OH MY FUCKING GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!

I managed to make it through the first video which was toning and sculting the "front" of your body and your quads but GAH! I thought I was gonna DIE!

The whole thing involved a step and a few small dumbbells. There was one girl doing the "modified version" for the "beginners" but it wasn't much of a modified version. I had to modify some of the exercises myself just because I was too damned fat to do them the way they were doing them. BUT I didn't quit. I pushed and made it through. Granted I had to stop at one point and catch my breath but I still did the WHOLE thing.

I go to the gym and I work out for an hour and a half. I do 30 minutes on the cross trainer. I do 45 minutes or so of weight training and about 15 minutes or so of stretching. I thought, hey, I'm not in bad shape for a fat girl. I should be good.

YEAH RIGHT! HARDLY! This was a 30 minute video and I swear to god I thought I was going to DIE.

It actually says on the beginning of the video that you should NOT attempt these workouts within 3-4 hours of a large meal or 1 hour of a snack. I had just had a small bowl of cereal about 20 minutes before and I was like, "Yeah, WHATEVER! I'm not going to get cramps". They don't tell you that because you're going to get CRAMPS. They tell you that so you don't PUKE! I'm glad I was at least 20 minutes from the bowl of cereal because otherwise it woulda come right up!(ok, sorry, TMI! I know!)

I knew Jillian was an animal but O M F G!

Tags: the biggest loser, work out
Current Location: My Office
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Children Screaming(GAH where is SILENCE when I need it?)

I haven't been online much. I've been working my butt off trying to get some parties booked(anyone in the CT area want to have a Passion Party????)

Anyway, I have also been spending about an hour and a half a day at the gym. Which is great because I need it and I only have 62 more days til Convention in Las Vegas. HOWEVER, it also takes about 2 hours out of my day by the time I get Alex into the car, get to the gym, drop him in day care, workout, get him out of day care, come home. I need to either get over it, or find a way to incorporate maybe some phone calls into my workout(I have done this in the past and usually get comments from women that they're amazed that I can workout as hard as them and still talk on the phone! What can I say? I'm a Gemini!)

Todays workout consisted of 30 minutes on the "cross trainer" then the rest was weight training. My new gym has more machines than the old one did and a stretching room. Which, btw, I never realized was really all that important but it really IS. It's no wonder I was so damned sore before. I never stretched when I went to Planet Fitness. Now every day before I get on that Cross Trainer(which is really just an eliptical with a fancy name if you ask me) I make sure I go in and spend about 5 minutes stretching. I'm still sore but not NEARLY as bad.

Tomorrow I'll do some Yoga at home. My gym eliminated the yoga classes that I was so excited about unfortunately. However the other Golds in the immediate area have a few every week that I can go to free of charge. So I may hit a few. The problem is that they're at really crappy times(like dinner time!) which makes it difficult to get there.

Tags: work out
Current Music: Silence

Ha ha! I bet you thought I fell off the face of the earth and well, I almost had! Hubby got a job and was sleeping all day. So I had no child care. No child care meant no gym. PLUS once I saw that I had lost 30 pounds, I had a serious self sabotage moment and I stopped doing EVERYTHING.

So, here I am, back again. I switched gyms. I am now going to Gold's. For an extra $15 a month, I get child care. A maximum of 2 hours per day 7 days a week. I get classes at ANY Gold's gym in the area(some of them have Yoga classes. Mine did but they seem to have eliminated them in the last week) and 2 FULL SIZED floors of gym equipment. Yes, my other gym was fairly cheap at $20 a month but it had none of those things.

I have been there 5 out of the last 8 days. Alex is still getting used to the idea of me dropping him off and leaving him in the "Kids Club" room but he's always fine and well behaved while he's in there. The ladies in there are very nice too and just adore him.

They have 2 different kinds of eliptical machines and I actually found one that I like. So instead of the treadmill, I've been doing that for cardio for 30 or more minutes a day. Plus weight training plus the bike.

I have eliminated most of the processed foods from our diet since MIL moved out. We've been having things like Pork Tenderloin, Steamed Carrots and Potatoes for dinners. I also have made my favorite Mexican Pork and Sweet Potato stew(WW recipe).

I am extremely glad that MIL moved out. Granted it's been rough on the finances but I have control of my house back and it's been especially good for my self esteem.

I have decided NOT to even look at a scale. I know what I need to do to lose the weight. I need to eat sensibly and workout. There's no magic formula to it. So I'm staying the hell away from the scale. All it does is make me obsess or make me feel like binging.

I was watching the Biggest Loser the other night(I believe it was an episode from 2 weeks back because I was behind. Thank goddess for DVR's) and Jillian had commented something to the fact that losing weight was also an emotional thing. If you don't deal with the emotions that helped you GET fat in the first place, you'll put all the weight right back on.

So, considering that my emotional issues involved in my weight gain have to do with people that either A.)I no longer associate with, B.)can no longer associate with or C.)are unwilling to do what is necessary to deal with the issues between us, I am going to have to find ways around that.

Speaking of food and weight loss, it's quarter to 4 and I haven't eaten lunch yet because I've been so busy working and getting other stuff done. BAD idea. Gotta go get some lunch.

See ya'll!

Current Music: SILENCE(isn't it lovely???)

I kind of took this week off. I've been absolutely exhausted and needed to. Plus my workout buddies were busy and such. So I kinda blew everything off.

I've been REALLY busy on top of everything else and worried constantly about money and bills.

Michael and I did Yoga last night. I got a video called "Simple Yoga" and a book that goes with it at Borders on my Anniversary earlier this month. So I wanted to try it out. It was a good workout and Michael loved it. :D Alex is asking me to do it again this morning.

I'm getting back to the gym in the morning. I'm trying to get used to the new schedule now that Mike is working nights.

Tags: workout
Current Location: pig chair
Current Music: Scooby Doo meets Laurel and Hardy

I took the weekend off. Not really by choice. OK, really it kind of WAS by choice.

Friday I was supposed to go to the gym with Donna and I slept right through. OK, honestly I heard her downstairs and I did NOT want to get up. I was in pain from that EVIL elliptical and there was NO WAY I was going to work out that day.

Saturday I had to work and so did Donna. Plus the guys were at a Patriot's Exhibition Game. So I had Alex and DJ while Donna worked.

Then today I had scrapbooking from 11 to 4. So while I could have gotten up early and gone, I wasn't in the mood.

SO, I am off to bed right now to be sure I get up in the AM and get my ass there.

Tags: workout
Current Location: MY BED
Current Music: HGTV